Lovely to read this via Leila's note (I love her work).
yes, so relatable, Lucy! I am American and have lived in 8 countries in Europe and Asia as an 'expat'. My son was born in Austria - a marvelous place to have a child for the maternity leave and other benefits, but also a disorienting one. Probably I would have been disoriented in motherhood anywhere, even 'home', but the cultural differences and distance from family were both extremely difficult and mind opening. My son is 6 now, and has lived also in the UK and Switzerland. We are about to move to Japan. Everywhere we go, i have both mind-splitting difficulty with cultural differences as a mother but also awakenings and freedoms. I find that by seeing the way other people raise children, it gives me more freedom to choose how I want to raise mine. Some things are out of our control, but additionally, other expats / immigrants tend to really support each other when needed, like an instant family.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience — I can't believe you've lived in so many countries. Incredible! I agree, I think new motherhood is disorientating wherever you are but the extra layers associated with expat living make it all the more challenging AND interesting. I'm glad you have found great support over the years from other expats! I've yet to find my gang but am in no doubt that I will soon.
Your article reminds me of how it was after giving birth to my first kid. She was born in Germany, and I am originally from Hong Kong. By the time she was born, I already lived in Germany for a few years. But my German was far from sufficient. All the doctor appointment, baby classes, etc. were in Germany. I had a hard time to adjust.
Besides, I was changing from a full time career woman to a stay at home mom for the first year. Completely isolated with the social interaction I was used to. Husband was working most of the day away from home. I had depression.
So, I totally understand you and how it was to navigate motherhood, especially as an expat. But you know what, things get better. By the time I had my second kid, I was already a pro. My German improved significantly (especially for motherhood vocabulary 😊). I knew what to do with a small baby. And I already knew some other families who are in the same situation like me so that we could hang out.
It is a process. It is hard. But we also learn a lot along the way. Things only get easier and better. And when you look back one day, you won't even realize how fast time has passed and the challenge you overcome makes the person you are now. My kids are already in elementary school now and I don't know how that happened. Time flies!
Thank you so much for you insightful thoughts and for sharing your experience — I am so happy to hear that things DO get easier! As you say, you learn a lot and I wouldn't change the past year for the world! The expat community seems to be quite small in Istanbul so that's been a challenge but slowly but surely we are meeting new people in the same boat! Learning more Turkish is high on my priority list! And yes, time really does fly! I can hardly believe our daughter is already one!
A beautiful reflection, there’s a definition of trust that goes ‘a confident relationship with the unknown’ by Rachel botsman that I love. You’ve captured this so beautifully x
I gave birth and raised our daughter in the UK as a French expat so I can relate to some of your experience, although I obviously speak the language and therefore could navigate the health system. The UK also has the NCT, which you surely know, which really helped to find friends at the same stage of parenting, including some other expats, this time Americans! This was quite a life saver.
The after birth care in the UK is quite different from the one in France so it took me some time to accept that I would have to find my own system and people who would understand me at the cultural level. I found a French pediatrician who immediately gave me a big sense of relief as we had the same references and she could explain things to me in a way that made sense. As you said, learning to parent while learning the way they do it in a different country is quite hard!
The other issue is the lack of family support as it takes a flight and planning for them to come. You can't just them to hop on a train and be there in a few hours. The English family on my husband's side couldn't help either. On the plus side, I learned to rely only on ourselves and on a support network I created from scratch and it was wider and bigger than just my mum ;-)
Besides the personal development that you mention, the great bonus of raising a child abroad is her own development. She will grow with greater adaptability skills and greater tolerance and understanding of different cultures. She will (hopefully) be bilingual and that will develops her brain in a different way as well.
Hi Stephanie, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. It's so nice to hear about other people's experiences as meeting other mums is most definitely something i've not had much opportunity to do over the past year. The aftercare is also very different here to that in England and the getting on a flight thing is a real pain. That said, same as with you, creating our own support system has actually provided a real source of fulfilment. And thank you for pointing out all the benefits that growing up abroad will bring to the children. This is a HUGE HUGE upside! Bring it on.
Hi! This was a very helpful read, since I am an expat and expecting parent. With that said, my wife is local and we will have lots of support from her family - what you guys have done is definitely, relatively speaking, hard mode 😅
I’ve never been to Istanbul but have heard very good things, and can imagine it being a great place to raise a child at later stages. For now, wishing you much luck navigating the current, less stroller-friendly phase 😊💪🏻
My kids were grown by the time I moved to Izmir, but I'm jealous of the opportunity you have to raise your child in Turkey. For the next 12 years or so, you will get to experience the world through your child's eyes, which may mean fewer meals at nice restaurants, but it will definitely make walks on the beach 100 times more interesting, full of discovery. And Turkey feels more accomodating to families with young children with space on the Metros for prams, lots of open cafes, and other quality-of-life issues. Enjoy it! It will pass by in a flash, believe me.
You are so right! Turkey is brimming with so many wonderful places to explore and places that children will absolutely fall in love with! I am already looking forward to taking our little one to some of the big hitters in Istanbul!
Lovely to read this via Leila's note (I love her work).
yes, so relatable, Lucy! I am American and have lived in 8 countries in Europe and Asia as an 'expat'. My son was born in Austria - a marvelous place to have a child for the maternity leave and other benefits, but also a disorienting one. Probably I would have been disoriented in motherhood anywhere, even 'home', but the cultural differences and distance from family were both extremely difficult and mind opening. My son is 6 now, and has lived also in the UK and Switzerland. We are about to move to Japan. Everywhere we go, i have both mind-splitting difficulty with cultural differences as a mother but also awakenings and freedoms. I find that by seeing the way other people raise children, it gives me more freedom to choose how I want to raise mine. Some things are out of our control, but additionally, other expats / immigrants tend to really support each other when needed, like an instant family.
Good luck with your journey!
Kate
Thank you so much for sharing your experience — I can't believe you've lived in so many countries. Incredible! I agree, I think new motherhood is disorientating wherever you are but the extra layers associated with expat living make it all the more challenging AND interesting. I'm glad you have found great support over the years from other expats! I've yet to find my gang but am in no doubt that I will soon.
Your article reminds me of how it was after giving birth to my first kid. She was born in Germany, and I am originally from Hong Kong. By the time she was born, I already lived in Germany for a few years. But my German was far from sufficient. All the doctor appointment, baby classes, etc. were in Germany. I had a hard time to adjust.
Besides, I was changing from a full time career woman to a stay at home mom for the first year. Completely isolated with the social interaction I was used to. Husband was working most of the day away from home. I had depression.
So, I totally understand you and how it was to navigate motherhood, especially as an expat. But you know what, things get better. By the time I had my second kid, I was already a pro. My German improved significantly (especially for motherhood vocabulary 😊). I knew what to do with a small baby. And I already knew some other families who are in the same situation like me so that we could hang out.
It is a process. It is hard. But we also learn a lot along the way. Things only get easier and better. And when you look back one day, you won't even realize how fast time has passed and the challenge you overcome makes the person you are now. My kids are already in elementary school now and I don't know how that happened. Time flies!
Thank you so much for you insightful thoughts and for sharing your experience — I am so happy to hear that things DO get easier! As you say, you learn a lot and I wouldn't change the past year for the world! The expat community seems to be quite small in Istanbul so that's been a challenge but slowly but surely we are meeting new people in the same boat! Learning more Turkish is high on my priority list! And yes, time really does fly! I can hardly believe our daughter is already one!
A beautiful reflection, there’s a definition of trust that goes ‘a confident relationship with the unknown’ by Rachel botsman that I love. You’ve captured this so beautifully x
Thank you so much Leila! That's very kind of you to say — I'm not a very confident first-person writer so this was definitely something new for me.
I gave birth and raised our daughter in the UK as a French expat so I can relate to some of your experience, although I obviously speak the language and therefore could navigate the health system. The UK also has the NCT, which you surely know, which really helped to find friends at the same stage of parenting, including some other expats, this time Americans! This was quite a life saver.
The after birth care in the UK is quite different from the one in France so it took me some time to accept that I would have to find my own system and people who would understand me at the cultural level. I found a French pediatrician who immediately gave me a big sense of relief as we had the same references and she could explain things to me in a way that made sense. As you said, learning to parent while learning the way they do it in a different country is quite hard!
The other issue is the lack of family support as it takes a flight and planning for them to come. You can't just them to hop on a train and be there in a few hours. The English family on my husband's side couldn't help either. On the plus side, I learned to rely only on ourselves and on a support network I created from scratch and it was wider and bigger than just my mum ;-)
Besides the personal development that you mention, the great bonus of raising a child abroad is her own development. She will grow with greater adaptability skills and greater tolerance and understanding of different cultures. She will (hopefully) be bilingual and that will develops her brain in a different way as well.
In short so many things to look forward to!
Hi Stephanie, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. It's so nice to hear about other people's experiences as meeting other mums is most definitely something i've not had much opportunity to do over the past year. The aftercare is also very different here to that in England and the getting on a flight thing is a real pain. That said, same as with you, creating our own support system has actually provided a real source of fulfilment. And thank you for pointing out all the benefits that growing up abroad will bring to the children. This is a HUGE HUGE upside! Bring it on.
Hi! This was a very helpful read, since I am an expat and expecting parent. With that said, my wife is local and we will have lots of support from her family - what you guys have done is definitely, relatively speaking, hard mode 😅
I’ve never been to Istanbul but have heard very good things, and can imagine it being a great place to raise a child at later stages. For now, wishing you much luck navigating the current, less stroller-friendly phase 😊💪🏻
My kids were grown by the time I moved to Izmir, but I'm jealous of the opportunity you have to raise your child in Turkey. For the next 12 years or so, you will get to experience the world through your child's eyes, which may mean fewer meals at nice restaurants, but it will definitely make walks on the beach 100 times more interesting, full of discovery. And Turkey feels more accomodating to families with young children with space on the Metros for prams, lots of open cafes, and other quality-of-life issues. Enjoy it! It will pass by in a flash, believe me.
You are so right! Turkey is brimming with so many wonderful places to explore and places that children will absolutely fall in love with! I am already looking forward to taking our little one to some of the big hitters in Istanbul!